(L)user error.
..Disk or the processor is on fire.
/pub/lunch.
A star wars satellite accidentally blew up the WAN.
All of the packets are empty.
Appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem.
Arcserve crashed the server again.
Asynchronous inode failure.
Backbone adjustment.
Backbone Scoliosis.
Backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD.
Bad ether in the cables.
Bank holiday -- system operating credits not recharged.
Because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch.
Big to little endian conversion error.
Bit bucket overflow.
Bit rot.
BNC (brain not connected).
Bogon emissions.
Boss forgot system password.
Boss' kid fucked up the machine.
Broadcast packets on wrong frequency.
Budget cuts.
Bugs in the RAID.
CD-ROM server needs recalibration.
Cellular telephone interference.
Change in Earth's rotational speed.
Change your language to Finnish.
Clock speed.
Collapsed Backbone.
Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.
Complete Transient Lockout.
Cosmic ray particles crashed through the hard disk platter.
CPU needs bearings repacked.
CPU needs recalibration.
CPU radiator broken.
CPU-angle has to be adjusted because of vibrations coming from the nearby road.
Daemons did it.
Daemons loose in system.
Decreasing electron flux.
Defunct processes.
Descramble code needed from software company.
Dew on the telephone lines.
Did you pay the new Support Fee?.
Digital Manipulator exceeding velocity parameters.
Disks spinning backwards - toggle the hemisphere jumper.
Divide-by-zero error.
Doppler effect.
Dry joints on cable plug.
Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.
Dumb terminal.
Dynamic software linking table corrupted.
Electricians made popcorn in the power supply.
Electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.
Electromagnetic energy loss.
Electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris.
Electrons on a bender.
Emissions from GSM-phones.
endothermal recalibration.
Ether leak.
Evil dogs hypnotized the night shift.
Evil hackers from Serbia.
Excess surge protection.
Excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances.
Failed trials, system needs redesigned.
Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces.
Fat electrons in the lines.
Fatal error right in front of screen.
Feature not yet implemented.
Filesystem not big enough for Jumbo Kernel Patch.
Firewall needs cooling.
First Saturday after first full moon in Winter.
Floating point processor overflow.
Fractal radiation jamming the backbone.
Global warming.
Groundskeepers stole the root password.
Had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.
Halon system went off and killed the operators.
Hard drive sleeping. Let it wake up on it's own...
Hardware stress fractures.
Heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly.
High nuclear activity in your area.
High pressure system failure.
I'm not sure.  Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book.
Improperly oriented keyboard.
Incompatible bit-registration operators.
Incorrect time synchronization.
Insert coin for new game.
Interference between the keyboard and the chair.
Interference from lunar radiation.
Internet outage.
Interrupt configuration error.
Ionization from the air-conditioning.
IRQ dropout.
IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptable-Power-Supply.
It has Intel Inside.
It was OK before you touched it.
It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem.
It's not plugged in.
It's stuck in the Web.
Just type 'mv * /dev/null'.
kernel panic: write-only-memory (/dev/wom0) capacity exceeded.
Knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked.
LBNC (luser brain not connected).
le0: no carrier: transceiver cable problem?.
Lightning strikes.
Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fedexed from Wyoming.
Look, buddy: Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.
Loop found in loop in redundant loopback.
Lusers learning curve appears to be fractal.
Magnetic interference from money/credit cards.
Melting hard drives.
Microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system.
Monitor resolution too high.
Monitor VLF leakage.
Mouse chewed through power cable.
Multicasts on broken packets.
My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip.
Need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem.
Nesting roaches shorted out the ether cable.
Network packets traveling uphill (use a carrier pigeon).
Neutrino overload on the nameserver.
New guy cross-connected phone lines with AC power bus.
New management.
No 'any' key on keyboard.
Non-redundant fan failure.
Not approved by the FCC.
Not enough interrupts.
Not enough memory, go get system upgrade.
Not properly grounded, please bury computer.
NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null: filesystem full.
Of course it doesn't work. We've performed a software upgrade.
Only available on a need to know basis.
Only people with names beginning with 'A' are getting mail this week.
Operators on strike due to broken coffee machine.
OS swapped to disk.
Our POP server was kidnapped by a weasel.
Party-bug in the Aloha protocol.
Password is too complex to decrypt.
PCMCIA slave driver.
Pentium FDIV bug.
Permission denied.
Piezo-electric interference.
Plate voltage too low on demodulator tube.
Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working.
Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture.
Poor power conditioning.
Popper unable to process jumbo kernel.
Positron router malfunction.
POSIX compliance problem.
Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor.
Power Company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment.
Processes running slowly due to weak power supply.
Program load too heavy for processor to lift.
Proprietary Information.
Pseudo-user on a pseudo-terminal.
Quantum dynamics are affecting the transistors.
Radiosity depletion.
Recursive traversal of loopback mount points.
Recursivity.  Call back if it happens again.
RFC-1925 Clause 3 grossly violated.
Root nameservers are out of sync.
Root rot.
Routing problems on the neural net.
RPC_PMAP_FAILURE.
Runaway cat on system.
Runt packets.
Satan did it.
SCSI Chain over-terminated.
SCSI's too wide.
Secretary plugged hair-dryer into UPS.
Short leg on process table.
SIMM crosstalk.
Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies.
Smell from unhygienic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads.
Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...
Solar flares.
Some one needed the powerstrip, so they pulled the switch plug.
Somebody was calculating pi on the server.
Someone has messed up the kernel pointers.
Someone is broadcasting pigmy packets and the router doesn't know how to deal with them.
Someone is standing on the Ethernet cable, causing a kink in the cable.
Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch.
Sounds like a Windows problem, try calling Microsoft support.
Spaghetti cable cause packet failure.
Stale file handle (next time use Tupperware(tm)!).
Standing room only on the bus.
Static buildup.
Static from nylon underwear.
Static from plastic slide rules.
Sticktion.
Sticky bits on disk.
Stubborn processes.
Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER.
System consumed all the paper for paging.
System has been recalled.
System needs to be rebooted.
TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low.
Tectonic stress.
Telecommunications is downgrading.
Telecommunications is downshifting.
Telecommunications is upgrading.
Telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused.
Temporary routing anomaly.
Terrorist activities.
That would be because the software doesn't work.
That's a great computer you have there; have you considered how it would work as a BSD machine?.
That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.
The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room.
The co-locator cannot verify the frame-relay gateway to the ISDN server.
The CPU has shifted, and become decentralized.
The curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.
The curly keyboard cable is causing connection crosstalk.
The data on your hard drive is out of balance.
The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the Ethernet out.
The electricity substation in the car park blew up.
The file system is full of it.
The hardware bus needs a new token.
The kernel license has expired.
The keyboard isn't plugged in.
The mainframe needs to rest.  It's getting old, you know.
The monitor is plugged into the serial port.
The monitor needs another box of pixels.
The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.
The printer thinks it's a router.
The real TTY's became pseudo TTY's and vice-versa.
The recent proliferation of Nuclear Testing.
The ring needs another token.
The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out.
The router thinks it's a printer.
The salesman drove over the CPU board.
The static electricity routing is acting up...
The Token fell out of the ring. Call us when you find it.
The UPS doesn't have a battery backup.
The UPS is on strike.
The Usenet news is out of date.
The vendor put the bug there.
There isn't any problem.
Too few computrons available.
Too many interrupts.
Too many little pins on CPU confusing it, bend back and forth until 10-20% are neatly removed.
Too much radiation coming from the soil.
Traceroute says that there is a routing problem in the backbone.  It's not our problem.
Transient bus protocol violation.
Typo in the code.
UBNC (user brain not connected).
Unoptimized hard drive.
UPS interrupted the server's power.
User to computer ratio too high.
User to computer ratio too low.
User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.
Vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives.
Vendor no longer supports the product.
Virus attack, luser responsible.
Waste water tank overflowed onto computer.
We didn't pay the Internet bill and it's been cut off.
We had to turn off that service to comply with the CDA Bill.
We just switched to FDDI.
We just switched to Sprint.
We only support a 1200 BPS connection.
We only support a 28000 BPS connection.
We're upgrading /dev/null.
We're waiting for the Phone Company to fix that line.
We've run out of licenses.
Windows 95 "feature".
Working as designed.
Wrong polarity of neutron flow.
Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.
Yes, yes, it's called a design limitation.
You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish (from most tunefs man pages).
You did wha... oh _dear_....
You must've hit the wrong anykey.
You need to install an RTFM interface.
You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus.
You put the disk in upside down.
You're out of memory.
Your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes.
Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.
Your modem doesn't speak English.
Your process is not ISO 9000 compliant.
Zombie processes haunting the computer.
_Rosin_ core solder? But...
