Clock speed.
Solar flares.
Electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris.
Static from nylon underwear.
Static from plastic slide rules.
Global warming.
Poor power conditioning.
Static buildup.
Doppler effect.
Hardware stress fractures.
Magnetic interference from money/credit cards.
Dry joints on cable plug.
We're waiting for the phone company to fix that line.
Sounds like a Windows problem, try calling Microsoft support.
Temporary routing anomaly.
Somebody was calculating pi on the server.
Fat electrons in the lines.
Excess surge protection.
Floating point processor overflow.
Divide-by-zero error.
POSIX compliance problem.
Monitor resolution too high.
Improperly oriented keyboard.
Network packets traveling uphill (use a carrier pigeon).
Decreasing electron flux.
First Saturday after first full moon in Winter.
Radiosity depletion.
CPU radiator broken.
It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem.
Positron router malfunction.
Cellular telephone interference.
Tectonic stress.
Piezo-electric interference.
(L)user error.
Working as designed.
Dynamic software linking table corrupted.
Heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly.
Secretary plugged hair-dryer into UPS.
Terrorist activities.
Not enough memory, go get system upgrade.
Interrupt configuration error.
Spaghetti cable cause packet failure.
Boss forgot system password.
Bank holiday -- system operating credits  not recharged.
Virus attack, luser responsible.
Waste water tank overflowed onto computer.
Complete Transient Lockout.
Bad ether in the cables.
Bogon emissions.
Change in Earth's rotational speed.
Cosmic ray particles crashed through the hard disk platter.
Smell from unhygienic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads.
Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fedexed from Wyoming.
Evil dogs hypnotized the night shift.
Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture.
Electricians made popcorn in the power supply.
Groundskeepers stole the root password.
High pressure system failure.
Failed trials, system needs redesigned.
System has been recalled.
Not approved by the FCC.
Need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem.
Not properly grounded, please bury computer.
CPU needs recalibration.
System needs to be rebooted.
Bit bucket overflow.
Descramble code needed from software company.
Only available on a need to know basis.
Knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked.
Nesting roaches shorted out the ether cable.
The file system is full of it.
Satan did it.
Daemons did it.
You're out of memory.
There isn't any problem.
Unoptimized hard drive.
Typo in the code.
Yes, yes, it's called a design limitation.
Look, buddy:  Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.
That's a great computer you have there; have you considered how it would work as a BSD machine?.
Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working.
Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.
Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER.
Someone is standing on the Ethernet cable, causing a kink in the cable.
Windows 95 'feature'.
Runt packets.
Password is too complex to decrypt.
Boss' kid fucked up the machine.
Electromagnetic energy loss.
Budget cuts.
Mouse chewed through power cable.
Stale file handle (next time use Tupperware(tm)!).
Feature not yet implemented.
Internet outage.
Pentium FDIV bug.
Vendor no longer supports the product.
Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies.
The vendor put the bug there.
SIMM crosstalk.
IRQ dropout.
Collapsed Backbone.
Power company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment.
Operators on strike due to broken coffee machine.
Backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD.
UPS interrupted the server's power.
The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the Ethernet out.
The keyboard isn't plugged in.
The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room.
The electricity substation in the car park blew up.
The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out.
The salesman drove over the CPU board.
The monitor is plugged into the serial port.
Root nameservers are out of sync.
Electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.
Your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes.
The real ttys became pseudo ttys and vice-versa.
The printer thinks it's a router.
The router thinks it's a printer.
Evil hackers from Serbia.
We just switched to FDDI.
Halon system went off and killed the operators.
User to computer ratio too high.
User to computer ratio too low.
We just switched to Sprint.
It has Intel Inside.
Sticky bits on disk.
Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor.
The ring needs another token.
New management.
Telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused.
SCSI Chain overterminated.
It's not plugged in.
Because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch.
You put the disk in upside down.
Daemons loose in system.
User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.
BNC (brain not connected).
UBNC (user brain not connected).
LBNC (luser brain not connected).
Disks spinning backwards - toggle the hemisphere jumper.
New guy cross-connected phone lines with AC power bus.
Had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.
Too few computrons available.
Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.
Party-bug in the Aloha protocol.
Insert coin for new game.
Dew on the telephone lines.
Arcserve crashed the server again.
Some one needed the powerstrip, so they pulled the switch plug.
My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip.
Big to little endian conversion error.
You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish (from most tunefs man pages).
Dumb terminal.
Zombie processes haunting the computer.
Incorrect time synchronization.
Defunct processes.
Stubborn processes.
Non-redundant fan failure .
Monitor VLF leakage.
Bugs in the RAID.
No 'any' key on keyboard.
Root rot.
Backbone Scoliosis.
/pub/lunch.
Excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances.
le0: no carrier: transceiver cable problem?.
Broadcast packets on wrong frequency.
Popper unable to process jumbo kernel.
NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null: filesystem full.
Pseudo-user on a pseudo-terminal.
Recursive traversal of loopback mount points.
Backbone adjustment.
OS swapped to disk.
Vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives.
Sticktion.
Short leg on process table.
RFC-1925 Clause 3 grossly violated.
